Not Good-bye, but see you later

A couple weeks ago on Wednesday March 25th, I recieved the worst, most unexpected phone call. My sister was hysterical on the other end and managed to say "Aunt Terri died last night". I had to ask her a couple times what she had said because I was sure I was hearing her wrong. After she said it over and over, I realized that what she was saying was true. I started bawling...I could not believe it! I had just talked to Aunt Terri on the phone the previous Saturday, only 5 days earlier. She told me she was planning a trip down soon and was going to bring Kayleigh and my cousin Hayley with her. I had gotten a package in the mail from her the day before full of my delivery pictures, swimming trunks for Carter and a lovely card...and she had received the package of pictures I had sent her. She actually opened the package while I was on the phone with her, she was so excited to have new pics of Carter. People who seen Aunt Terri a few days before she passed said she looked the best they had ever seen her...she had gotten her hair cut and was wearing make-up. To me, this adds to the pain because I know she was doing great and was looking forward to so much.

She died in her sleep at about 3:00 a.m. and the family still has no idea why. The autopsy showed no aneurysm, blood clots or heart attack. She was only 46 years old. She worked in Labor & Delivery as an RN at Allegiance Health for 25 years...she helped deliver Dani and I 23 years ago and she pretty much delivered Carter only a few short months ago. I chose her as Carter's God-mother also and she was so proud and honored. The blow to my heart has been almost unbearable! I flew home the next day by myself...with my 9 week old baby in tow. The flight was so stressful, not only because I was juggling Carter, my carry-on, stroller and car seat...but because I was fighting back tears the entire trip. I wasn't supposed to go back home to say Good-bye...she was supposed to be coming down here to Florida.

Aunt Terri was not my aunt by blood, but by heart. My mother chose her as my God-mother the day I was born and from that day on, she was "Aunt Terri". God-mother fits her so perfectly, because she has always been a second mom to me and is now with God watching over us. Most of my childhood memories have her in them...all my baby pictures have Aunt Terri in them or she was taking them. She loved photography and pictures...she took the engagement, wedding, Christmas and delivery pictures for us...many you have all received or seen! Aunt Terri had tons of pictures framed and hanging in the Labor & Delivery hallways of Dani, Raymond and I. She always said that us kids were the kids she never had.

This world is lonelier without her in it and I find myself wondering when I will get a call from her again...and even feel tempted to call her to see if she will answer. I just can't believe it. Her voice still laughs in my memory, her warmth still tingles my skin, her smile still heals my hurt, her love still makes me strong...how long this will last, I do not know and I'm so scared I will begin to forget. Her presence was always so calming and whenever I needed her, she was there. There are so many things I wished I had said...so many things I wish I had asked...so many things I never knew about her...so many things...

The only thing that makes sense to me is that all the babies in heaven must have needed her...it must not have been warm, caring, and sweet enough...that's why they needed her early. When I got to Michigan, I struggled so badly with thought of saying good-bye and letting her go...and then I realized that I wasn't there to say good-bye, but "see you later my dear God-mother". I know I will see her again someday, I will hold her, hug her and see her smile again...after I coax her to put all those babies down.

RIP Aunt Terri, you will be missed and loved forever...until later.